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FIVE TOOLS TO HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT

1. THE RORI RAYE MANTRA

Trust Your Boundaries Follow Your Feelings Choose Your Words Be Surprised

I trust my boundaries ­ I trust myself: I know I will not knowingly toss my

pearls before swine, throw myself into the path of destruction, hide from the truth, go along with or tolerate something that is damaging to me. Now I can move to my feelings.

I follow my feelings ­ I follow my emotions around my body and into my

heart because they are my compass in the world. I love my feelings and know that I must go where I am, be where I am, feel what I feel, and go through the feeling if I want to feel better. Now I can speak.

I choose my words ­ I am committed to clear, direct, feeling based

communication. I honor my feelings by expressing them from my heart without trying to influence or attack my man. If I choose, Now I can let go of the result.

I allow every moment to be a surprise ­ I don't have to know every

outcome, I don't have to manage every situation, I don't have to make sure everything goes the way I want, and I absolutely don't have to know what my man is going to say or do next. Because I know what I will not tolerate, because I can feel what I feel, because I've stated clearly what I feel and don't want, I can let go of control.

2.

TRANSLATIONS ­ HOW TO SPEAK SO HE'LL HEAR Surrender Speak

This is about me and so it's My business; It's about being Vulnerable & Real; It's the Way to go I feel mad, sad, glad, afraid, scared, angry, happy, disconnected, confused, shaky, uncomfortable, weird, upset, lonely, tired, exhausted I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I feel I don't want to do this, what do you think? I don't want to go there; do that, see that, feel this, feel that, listen to this, be there, be here, stand here, tolerate this, have this, worry about this, think about this, take charge of this, plan this--what do you think? Nothing I don't want that kind of relationship, what do you think? Thank you. I like that tie, I like how you look, I love this restaurant ­ I feel so good here, I feel so good with you, that feels so good, etc. I'm old-fashioned. I don't feel comfortable meeting men, calling men, planning dates, etc.

Control Speak This column is about him ­ so it's his business only ­ It's Not my business, And it's Off Limits Why is he doing that?

What is he doing? What is he feeling? What are you feeling? What do you mean? I'll bet I know why he's depressed Oh, he's just..... Oh, men are just like that There's so much tension between us..He must be....mad, upset, having childhood memories, etc. Why does he always have to do that? You never listen to me! I need you to do this or that What if we (you) did that? Can we (you) please do that?

Why didn't you call me? What's going on with our relationship? Not noticing when he does something nice I want you to pick me up, open my door, etc.

3. STOP ROWING THE RELATIONSHIP BOAT

I use the word Overfunctioning to describe working so hard in a relationship: Giving, leading, stepping in, rescuing and doing stuff that your man is supposed to be doing. Stopping Overfunctioning is the fastest way to get connected to a man. When You stop leading, you get to experience how it feels to follow: Sometimes it feels wonderful, sometimes it's disappointing, and sometimes it's scary. Are you always feeling drained by your relationships, as though you're the one always rowing the relationship boat? Well, I'm going to ask you to stop rowing. To actually put down the oars, sit back in the boat and enjoy the ride. If your man is at all capable, he'll pick up the oars and start rowing all by himself, without you asking him, directing him, pleading with him, or explaining why he should.

4. APPRECIATE MEN

Sometimes, we get so used to complaining, finding fault, and looking at the downside of men, we can't even give the man in front of us a chance. If you're with a man now, when he does something you like - anything, even something small, something so tiny you would normally dismiss it - say "Thank You." If you're dating, focus on who the man sitting next to you watching a movie, or sitting across the table from you trying to carry on a conversation, or standing in front of you awkwardly trying to get up the courage to walk over and start a conversation, actually is ­ instead of focusing on how he's already not measuring up to your "Dream Man."

5. APPRECIATE YOURSELF

Men can't love us for what we do. They love us for who we are. And most of us still haven't made peace with who we really are. In fact, most of us have spent our lives figuring out how to keep people at a distance, rather than how to draw people in closer. And often, we deliberately keep the men who would love us the most and make us the happiest as far away from our hearts as we can. Use the Rori Raye Mantra and Translations to speak from your heart and let good men in. Invite them in. Trust yourself to follow what feels good to you ­ not necessarily what feels thrilling and exciting and dramatic ­ but what feels warm and, well, Good! When things feel stressful, and you want so much more than you're getting from your man, instead of picking up the oars and rowing the boat, instead of retreating to your defenses and pushing him away, Trust Your Boundaries, Follow Your Feelings, Choose the Feeling Words of the Rori Raye Translations, and then, Be Surprised. You may find your man picking up the relationship oars, leaning in toward you, turning off the television to pursue you into the kitchen, asking for a commitment, or rekindling the fire of what you thought was a dead marriage. Believe that you deserve what you dream of. Appreciate yourself rather than asking your man to appreciate you. Give to yourself instead of giving to him. Treat yourself like a Queen, and so will he. Love, Rori

www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com [email protected]

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