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"Mars and Venus: In the Bedroom" Despite the constant attention surrounding sex today, people can't seem to get enough. Maybe because the media is bent upon selling the fantasy surrounding sex rather than exploring the naked reality! So here's the bare boned facts on what Mars & Venus have to say concerning what men and women really want in the bedroom. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------1. Setting the Mood VENUS: To really be satisfied, women need romance. Not all the time, but most...Okay all the time. Do: Make it special: light candles, play music, etc. Don't: Expect her to be ready after fetching beers for you and the guys all night. MARS: Ladies, guys like mood, too. Especially when you're in the mood. Men are visual creatures. Gossamer nightgowns and erotic videos are good mood setters. (And if you're especially kinky, try rubbing a pair of your prettiest girlfriend's panties over him while you talk about a remote desert island with only you and him and three thousand horny virgins). Do: Consider making him dinner in your birthday suit. Don't: Talk about your hair. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------2. Foreplay VENUS: I read somewhere that men can get turned-on by seeing a nude mannequin in a store window. Complaint numero uno from women is that men just don't spend enough time with foreplay. Take some time to turn her on, trust me--it'll be well worth the wait. Do: Find her sweet spot. (Hint: try the neck and behind the ear) Don't: Jab your tongue down her ear canal. (Why does every guy think this is a turn-on?) MARS: It's true ladies, men can get turned on looking at a nude mannequin; in fact, most men can get turned on by a strong breeze. But that doesn't mean that they don't appreciate foreplay. It's just that it's like pre-season baseball. Fun to watch. But not the real deal. Do: try giving him a massage, or running your fingers through his hair. Don't: Stick your finger anywhere he doesn't want it. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------3. Talking Dirty VENUS: This can be a fun way to communicate how you make each other feel, but be tactful. Do: Tell her how good she makes you feel. Don't: recite lyrics from rap songs. MARS: Most men love it when a girl talks dirty. As long as it doesn't involve a dissertation on kitchen cleanliness. Experiment with what works and with what doesn't. Do: Talk about his penis. Don't: Talk about your ex-boyfriend's penis. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------4. Pillow Talk

VENUS: Keep in mind topics to avoid--ex-girlfriends, politics, mom, etc. Do: Use this time to toss her those compliments you skip out on all too often Don't: Start a sentence with, "You remind me of..." or "I was reading an article about implants..." MARS: As a general rule, don't talk his bloody ear off ladies. If you must, take a little time to tell him that you appreciate him. Do: Let him know he's the best, even though he isn't, always. Don't: Overwhelm him with idle gossip. Unless it involves talk about sex. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------5. Petting VENUS: Oh, the power of touch. If only men knew that there are times when you can turn a girl on more with your little pinky than with your big bad...well, you know what I'm getting at. Explore. Enjoy. Do: Respond to her reactions. Don't: Continue shoving your fingers around when she's cringing. MARS: Men love when women caress with their nails. Run your fingers through his hair, down his back, or along his thigh. He'll rise to the occasion. And when petting the head of household, don't forget the extended family. Find your way to caressing those well-rounded companions and you're both sure to have a ball. Do: Try petting him with more than your hands. Especially if you're man has a foot fetish. Don't: Squeeze. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------6. Oral Sex VENUS: Memorize this line and say it to yourself every time you jump in bed, "My tongue is not a dick." The two serve completely different purposes--act accordingly. Do: Try spelling the alphabet. Don't: Rush it. MARS: It's no wonder women are confused on this one. Oral sex doesn't really involve either sucking or blowing. But master this art and your man is your servant. Roll that tongue around. Make like his penis is a bar of soap and you haven't washed your face in days. Do: Moan while your doing it. The vibrations will bring great physical and psychological pleasure. Don't: Use you're teeth. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------7. The `O' Factor VENUS: Women often complain that their partner comes too fast. Keep in mind, just because you're satisfied does not mean she is. Do: Find the clitoris. Don't: Stop, get it, get it. MARS: Remember ladies, it's the journey not the destination. Well, with regards to men, throw this axiom out the window. A man will never really be satisfied until he's reached orgasm. Unless, he's a practitioner of Tantra. And even then, you've

probably heard the term: blue balls. Do: continue until you get to the bottom of the Tootsie roll. Don't: keep going at it after he's already run the bases. Give him a few minutes to recuperate for the next inning then see if he's ready to batter up. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------8. Toys VENUS: Sex toys can frighten even the most courageous of women. Start with something easier--a simple couple's sexual board game is a far better choice for toy number-one then extra-large anal beads, okay, fellas? Do: Try them to spice up your lovin.' Don't: Try them in a last ditch effort to save your relationship. MARS: All boys love toys. And so do men. Anal beads and butt plugs are poor substitutes for the jelly ring (vibrating penis ring) and a plastic sheep, however. Just kidding ladies! Be selective. But don't let the toys be a substitute for the real thing. Do: Opt for something that vibrates. Don't: replace his penis with a twelve inch dildo. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------9. Threesome VENUS: Some girls are into it, some are not; but in a survey conducted of my ten closest girl friends, the odds are not in your favor. Approach the topic gently. Do: Let her suggest the newcomer. Don't: Even think about suggesting her roommate, best friend or sister. MARS: A fantasy for almost any guy. If you like ice-cream, why not two scoops? But even the most kinky guy could get jealous if your attention fell more on the girl than on him. Do: Pick a girl that's at least as attractive as you are. Don't: Ask him if he'd like a threesome, then get mad at him if he answers honestly. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------10. Positions VENUS: There comes a time when you have to be creative to keep your sex life from becoming monotonous. If you just aren't the creative type, pick up a Kama Sutra book or seek a peek at her Cosmo. Do: Try the Lusty Leapfrog ;) Don't: Expect her to be into advanced acrobatics. Keep in mind she hasn't been on the cheer squad since high school. MARS: No position is really a bad position as long as it involves mutual stimulation. Add some diversity in the bedroom. Keep it new. Not that there's anything wrong with the missionary position, but you haven't lived until you've tried: The Tail of The Ostrich. (see Do: Try everything. Don't: Limit your man to the missionary position or he may position himself elsewhere. Word Count: 1,245


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