Read 02Feb10Klaxon.pdf text version

"To perpetuate the memory of our shipmates who gave their lives in the pursuit of their duties while serving their country. That their dedication, deeds and supreme sacrifice be a constant source of motivation toward greater accomplishments. Pledge loyalty and patriotism to the United States of America and its Constitution."

That's our CREED above, but it's not who we are:

We are United States Submarine Sailors! We were, and are, members of the elite fighting force of the United States Navy. We are all QUALIFIED IN SUBMARINES.

South Sound Base Klaxon

Class III 2009 USSVI Newsletter of the Year Award Winner VOLUME 3 Issue 2 - February 2010

Base Home Page:

Editor: Don "donmac" Smith

National Home Page at:

e-mail [email protected]

"Patrol's End" from LIFE Magazine - December 1943.

Base Mailing Address: South Sound Base, USSVI

P.O. Box 814

Spanaway, WA 98387

USSVI South Sound Base Don Mansfield, Commander Minutes of Meeting, February 11, 2010 held at VFW Post 969 3510 E. McKinley Ave. Tacoma, WA 98404

New member Jerry Pratt was welcomed by the group. He qualified on USS Sabalo in 1961.

Base Newsletter Report: Don Smith said that the newsletter is 50% ready, and as soon as he receives the meeting minutes, he will ready to go to The USSVI South Sound Base meeting was called press with the ,Klaxon. Greg Lee suggested to order by Commander Don Mansfield at 1910 that ,Blast from the Past articles be included in Hrs. There were eleven members present. Norm the Klaxons. Carkeek led the Pledge of Allegiance and ChapStorekeeper: In Fred Ball's absence, John M relain Don Smith gave the opening prayer. ported that, rather than keep a large stock of inventory items on hand, members should browse COB Greg Lee read the USSVI Creed: "To perpetuate the memory of our shipmates who gave the National Storekeeper's catalog, available ontheir lives in the pursuit of duties while serving line, and place orders through our storekeeper. their country. That their dedication, deeds and Base officers for 2010 were sworn in by Western supreme sacrifice be a constant source of motivaRegion District 4 Commander John Mansfield in tion toward greater accomplishments. Pledge loya brief ceremony. Past Commander Don Mansalty and patriotism to the United States Of Amerfield passed the gavel to Commander David ica. Richards. Greg Lee was installed as Sr. Vice ComTolling of the Boats lost in January, USS Barbel mander and Mike Ellis as Treasurer. Ken Board, (SS316) 1945, USS Shark (SS174) 1942, USS Secretary/Membership Chairman, was not in atAmberjack (SS219) 1943 USS Trout (SS202) 1944, tendance. USS Grayback (SS208) 1944, was conducted by Commander Don Mansfield and COB Greg Lee. A moment of silence was held for our departed shipmates on eternal patrol. Binnacle List: Jon Cox, Ron Eggimann, Tom Wright. A motion was made and passed to accept January's meeting minutes as posted. Mike Ellis gave the Treasury Report. A balance of $3,444.05 is in the SSB account, of which $1,004.05 is in the storekeeper account. The report was accepted as read by voice vote. In Membership Chairman Ken Board's absence, John Mansfield reminded everyone that annual members need to renew their dues. There are six members that were dropped from USSVI rolls, leaving our roster at 33 members. $20 to National, $10 to South Sound Base. There are programs available for multi year memberships. Greg Lee was installed as Sr. Vice Commander and Mike Ellis as Treasurer. Ken Board, Secretary/Membership Chairman, was not in attendance. A short break for refreshments was taken. Continued next page ................ > > >

Old Business

Greg Lee is going to send photos of a coffee mug that he would like to see us carry in the base store SSB PAO John Mansfield reported that he is waitand make available on-line. It deals with ,I love ing on a return phone call from Darci at Mary the smell of Diesel in the morning. Bear will Bridge Children's Hospital regarding setting up check on production costs. another Kap(ss) 4 Kid(ss) visit. WRD4 Commander John Mansfield gave a report on the new Olympic Peninsula Base. He will preIf anyone knows of a person that would be a guest speaker at future meetings, please contact sent the charter at their meeting on February 18th at the Port Hadlock VFW. 31 Matheson Street, at John. 7 p.m. New Business Mike Robb brought in a beautiful wooden plaque Sr. Vice Cdr. Greg Lee gave a report with accom- he made to present to Eric G. Sandstrom VFW panying display items on his visit to the decomPost 969 for missioning ceremony of the USS Los Angeles their continued support to South Sound Base for the past seven years. A formal presentation will be made at a future Post meeting. John M will get the brass plate made at ,Big John's Trophy to place on the plaque. A lengthy discussion was held on the purchase and future configuration of South Sound Base's (SSN688) in January. See pages 7 and 8 newly acquired trailer to be constructed for use at Base events, parades and fundraisers. Many conGood of the Order cepts were touched on and it was suggested all ideas be submitted to Dave Richards, Memorial / ,Bear Stiffey was asked if he was able to get a Float Committee Chairman. quote on our lapel ribbons for fundraisers. He said they were approximately 45 cents each. The ,Bear that a new series of belt buckles and pins base passed a motion to order 500 for upcoming are in the process of being made, thanks to the Caiman Association. events. A motion was passed to provide $300 to CDR Our first fundraisers at Wal*Marts will be May Alan Mandigo's cadets for the NJROTC North31st, Memorial Day. Greg Lee verified with South Puyallup's store that we are scheduled for west Youth Leadership Conference to be held at Memorial and Veterans Days. Ken Board will be Pacific Lutheran University 20-24 June, 2010. asked to confirm with Spanaway's store and John Chaplain Don Smith gave the closing prayer. The meeting ended at 2100. M will check with the Lakewood store. We are Respectfully Submitted: John M. SSB Sec protem going to try and have three spots at each event this year to help improve donations.

Upcoming Base Events: Massing of the Colors, Sunday March 7th at Ft Lewis Carey Theater. 1500 start, please let me know if the Base will be there. Tuesday May 18th 1900 Stadium Bowl, All Puget Sound JROTC Sunset Pass in Review Tuesday June 1st (date change) 1730 Stadium NJROTC Awards Banquet 20-24 June Northwest Youth Leadership Conference, $300 to sponsor a cadet or a portion of if it is to much this year.


Today (February 12) in 1973 the first release of American prisoners of war from the Vietnam conflict took place.

The first prisoner to step onto the red carpet was Navy Captain Jeremiah A. Denton, the ranking officer aboard the first plane back from Hanoi, Captain Denton, in captivity for nearly eight years, stepped to a microphone and said: "We are honored to have the opportunity to serve our country under difficult circumstances. We Burial at Sea Information are profoundly grateful to our Commander in Chief and to our nation for this day. God bless Anyone desiring burial at sea should indicate America." The Hon. Jeremiah Denton retired that preference in writing (in a will or other legal from the United States Navy as a Rear Admidocument). During funeral planning, the execural. He went on to be elected to the United States tor/executrix of the estate should contact: Senate as a Republican from Alabama. His book "When Hell Was in Session" is a mustMilitary Medical Support Office (MMSO) read for anyone who desires to gain perspective Mortuary Affairs, Bldg. 38H on a prisoner of war in Vietnam. Great Lakes IL 60085-5200 Toll Free: 1-800-876-1131 For further information contact: Casualty Assistance Branch Naval Personnel Command (NPC-621) 5720 Integrity Drive Millington TN 38055-6210 Toll Free: 1-800-368-3202 Information Provided the Next of Kin After Committal Services Completed Disposition at sea is normally accomplished within 8 to 10 weeks from the time the Fleet Commander-in-Chief is notified of a request. The Commanding Officer of a ship directed to conduct an at sea disposition, will within 10 days after the committal mail the next of kin a personal letter giving the date and time of committal and include photographs or video tape of the ceremony, the commemorative flag and a chart showing where the burial took place. Copies of the basic letter only will be forwarded to Naval Office of Medical/Dental Affairs, Great Lakes, IL; and Bureau of Medicine and Surgery, Washington DC.

HMS X23 on D-DayThe first craft off the shore of Normandy on D-Day were midget submarines. Two X-craft, HMS X20 (Lt K Hudspeth DSC*) and X23 (Lt G Honour DSC RNVR) were chosen to play a hazardous part in Operation Neptune, the naval assault phase of D-Day. Operation Overlord Codenamed Operation Gambit, the aim was to set up landNormandy was chosen to land Allied Navies on account of ing markers to guide the invasion force towards the the weaker defences, soft gradients of the beach and fabeaches. vourable weather conditions. The aim - to destroy German On 4 June 1944 the X-craft fixed their positions in defences and artillery positions. American, British, Canafront of the Normandy coast. At nightfall they surfaced dian and other naval and air forces cooperated to land over only to be told that the operation had been postponed due 150,000 men and many tons of vehicles and equipment. to bad weather. At dawn on 6 June 1944 Operation Overlord began. On 6 June at 0445 the submarines surfaced in rough The invasion forces landed on 5 beaches along the Norseas. They set up the 18 feet high navigation beacons that mandy coast: Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno and Sword. On the each were carrying and switched them on. These shone a first day, 2,700 vessels and 1,897 landing craft sailed. The green light indicating their position away from the coast, cargo was 130,000 soldiers, 12,000 vehicles, 2,000 tanks and visible up to 5 miles away although undetectable to anyone 10,000 tons of stores. on land. The operation was successful. Normandy was liberated They used the radio beacon and echo sounder to tap and the assault pushed further through North-West out a message for the minelayers approaching Sword and Europe. In March 1945 Allied troops crossed the Rhine and Juno beaches. The incoming fleet appeared on time and in May of the same year the British and Americans entered roared past them. Berlin. Lt George Honour DSC RNVR (HMS X23) recalled Operation Postage Able seeing the incoming invasion fleet years later: "It was unbePrior to the invasion of Normandy it was vital that every lievable. Although I knew they were on our side it was still detail of the coastline was known - the contours, whether a frightening sight. One can only imagine what the enemy they were mined, the nature of the beach exits. must have felt, waking up to this awesome spectacle and So five months beforehand HMS X20 spent four days knowing that they were the targets". off the French coast, under the command of Lt Ken Hudspeth DSC* RANVR. The crew consisted of COPPs Combined Operations Pilotage Parties. Ken Hudspeth DSC* RANVRThe days were spent conducting periscope observations of the shoreline and taking bottom soundings using the echo sounder. At night the divers, Major Scott-Bowden and Sergeant Ogden-Smith, swam ashore carrying a shingle bag, brandy flask, sounding lead, underwater writing pad and pencil, auger (boring tool), compass, beach gradient reel and stake, torch, revolver and trowel. Soil samples were collected in condoms. On two nights they went ashore to survey what would become the Omaha beach. Worsening weather caused Hudspeth to shorten the expedition, but for this operation he received a bar for DSC. D-Day painting by Guy Todd depicting George Honour on X23 From June 1940 the whole of Western Europe was in German hands. There could be no victory until the German army was confronted face to face. watching the invasion fleet having completed Operation Gambit"To mark the approaches to the beaches for Forces "S" and "J", two X-craft were employed, as it was very important that Force "S" should not be too far eastward and the coast in Force "J"s section was not too distinctive in outline. ( Continued next page .......)

D Day

Operation Gambit

These craft had sailed on the night of the 2nd/3rd June - being towed for part of the passage. Each submarine received at 0100 hours, 5th June, a message that the assault had been postponed for twenty-four hours and in spite of the difficulties of navigation for a craft of very slow diving speed in a cross-tidal stream, had maintained their positions off the enemy coast until daylight on the 6th June, when they flashed their lights to seaward from the surface in their correct positions as a guide to the oncoming assault craft. It is considered that great skill and endurance was shown by the crews of X20 and X23. Their report of the proceedings, which were a masterpiece of understatement, read like a deck log of a surface ship in peacetime, and not of a very small and vulnerable submarine carrying out a hazardous operation in time of war".

Admiral Ramsey

At sunrise their job was done, the lamps were taken down and replaced with the signal flags representing `D' for D-Day. X20 and X23 had led the way in the largest ever combined assault.

duct reconnaissance on enemy shores prior to an invasion. Beach gradients, tidal effects, beach extent and the presence of underwater obstructions were all essential pieces of information to Amphibious Commanders. Folboats being lowered through the fore hatch of an Sclass submarine The penalty of not conducting such reconnaissance was particularly evident during the landing for `Operation Torch' North Africa. A number of landing-craft hit a false beach just offshore, close to Oran, and disembarked their vehicles and crews into deep water, drowning them. Once this part of the operation was complete, the COPP submarines were often employed close inshore under enemy guns as navigation beacons for the landing forces. Both full-sized and midget submarines were employed in this role. The parts played by HM Submarines X20 and X23 during the D-Day landings were of crucial importance, and they more than lived up to the COPP motto of Nobis Tutus Ibis (`With us you go in safety'). Artefacts commemorating the important role of Xcraft and their crews on D-Day.

Submarine forces in the Northern Fleet reorganized All nuclear submarines in Russia's Northern Fleet have been united in one unit -- the submarine forces. The forces' headquarters will be located in the closed town of Gadzhiyevo on the Barents Sea coast. The two squadrons the submarines in the Northern Fleet earlier were organized in have now been merged into one structure, GTRK Murman reports. The forces are organized in four divisions, all under the leadership of Rear Admiral Andrey Volozhinsky. Admiral Volozhinsky said after a ceremony in the closed military town Zaozersk that the Northern Fleet's submarine forces will have the same tasks as before and that there will be no changes in the number of personnel. According to Chief of Staff in the Northern Fleet Vladmir Korolev solving social issues will be easier under consolidated leadership: - History has shown this. We are now returning to the structure the submarine forces had in the 1950's and HMS X23 on D-Day. Lt George Honour 60's. and S/Lt H J Hodges RNVR on the casing The Northern Fleet's submarine forces will have their headIncidentally, the word `Gambit', the codename for this opquarters in Gadzhiyevo, and the submarines will be based eration, is defined in the dictionary as "the pawn you in Gadzhiyevo, Vidyayevo and Zaozersk. These three thrown away before a big move in chess". towns are all located on the Barents Sea coast between the town of Murmansk and the border to Norway. Combined Operations Pilotage Parties (COPPs) COPPs were made up of volunteer naval officers, and were Murmansk Oblast has seven closed towns -- Severomorsk, Vidayevo, Gadzhiyego, Zaozersk, Skalisty, Ostrovnoy and landed by canoe from submarines. Often the Party would Snezhnogorsk. They either host naval bases or defense rebe supplemented by members of the Special Boat Service lated industry like ship repair yards. (SBS) to handle the canoes. The highly dangerous job of these teams was to con-


,First And The Finest

It just seems like yesterday that I was standing in the crowd, starboard front side of the LOS ANGELES SSN688, on April 6, 1974. This would mark a historical event. The first of a new class of nuclear submarines was about to be launched. Following is the article from as written by local Newport News staff reporter Marriane Fisher


As the USS LOS ANGELES, hailed as the first of a super class of nuclear attack submarines, slipped into the choppy waters of the James River, workers from the Newport News Shipbuilding and Dry Dock Company quietly laid the groundwork for the Los Angeles" sister, the CINCINNATI. The keel of the CINCINNATI, a circular structure weighing forty tons, was moved onto the shipway number six where the LOS ANGELES WAS launched, but the lull of the movement was somewhat anticlimactical to the events which had preceded it. In Navy tradition, a lovely lady, presidential advisor and cabinet member Mrs. Ann Armstrong, had been selected to christen the multi-million dollar vessel. Following all the speeches and proper preludes to the launching, Mrs. Armstrong waited patiently until 10:55am to take her first swing at the vessel which loomed by her side. Somehow a mysterious occurrence in normal ceremonies had transpired-the speeches had finished ahead of schedule. But finally the first whistle sounded and the workers cleared the areas. Then the sound of the second whistle pierced the air and the moment of challenge had come. Backing up in her best Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron style Mrs. Armstrong literally dug her heels into the platform and belted the champagne bottle against the vessel. But the bottle, a California vintage chosen particularly to honor the occasion and the LOS ANGELES, stood firm. Undaunted, the lady tried again, then again and again. Following her fourth swing, she smiled and turned to the large crowd, estimated between 3,000 and 3,500, and acknowledged their apparent glee at her predicament. With increased tenacity and a firmly set jaw, however, Mrs. Armstrong turned once again to face her quarry. Shoulders set, knees locked, she pulled back and let loose a swing that would have done Mickey Mantle proud on any season opener during his heyday. But while a baseball may have been out of the ballpark as the result of such a mighty blow, the bottle rebounded to the amazement of all. Twice more Mrs. Armstrong tried to subdue the green villain, but to no avail. Sensing a lady in need, Secretary of the Navy John W Warner, in his last public appearance before he resigns to head the American Revolution Bicentennial Committee, boldly stepped up to assist. Together, the duo heaved the eighth blow at the vessel, but the bottle still dangled at the end of its lengthy cord, amazingly intact. On the ninth combined blow, the Secretary of the Navy almost managed to be the fable "man overboard" as he hurled his weight with the bottle and slipped while avoiding Mrs. Armstrong on the platform. With the persistence of government officials, the pair tried twice more, but the bottle refused to yield. By this time the crowd was in a complete uproar and somewhere, a clever shipyard employee found another bottle and the switch was made. The twelfth time was the charm as Mrs Armstrong swung the new bottle and champagne sprayed the dignitaries on the platform. The rest of the day, for the jubilant crowd at least, Ws somewhat anticlimactical as they talked of the world's record for the strongest bottle at a launching. After some 33 years, and 13 commanding officers, the USS LOS ANGELES SN688 has come to the end of her long journey. On 23 January in the Port of Los Angeles, San Pedro, California in the mist of friends, family, former and current crewmembers and honored guest, this mighty submarine was to be decommissioned. Commanding Officer Steven M Harrison introduced a district Congressman, a City Councilwoman Janace Hahn, Commander Submarine Squadron One Capt Stanley Robertson, and keynote speaker Retired Rear Admiral (and 3 rd Commanding Officer of USS LOS ANGELES SSN688) J.F. ,Dugan Shipway. Following speeches, Commanding Officer Harrison passed on a historic cribbage board to Squadron Commander Robertson. This cribbage board was originally owned by WWII Submarine Commander Richard O'Kane. CDR O'Kane was one of five submariners to be presented the Medal Of Honor during WWII. With the cribbage board now in the hands of the Squadron Commander, and true to tradition, it will be passed on to the oldest submarine in service. During the ceremony crewmember lowered the commissioning pennant, passed it on the the COB, ETCM(SS) Brooks. As is done in all decommissionings' of a naval vessel, the commissioning pennant is passed on to the last commanding officer. COB Brookes carried out this tradition, and passed the pennant to Commanding Officer Harrison. Following the decommissioning ceremonies, food and drinks were provided for all. Beginning at 2:30pm, boat tours were given to those that had requested and provided necessary security Information to come aboard. The FARWELL BALL was held at the CROWN PLAZA Hotel in San Pedro. Frank Lister, first COB of the USS LOS ANGELES took front stage first. A number of gifts and awards were presented to officials and crewmembers.

(Continued from previous page ) Frank Lister started off by telling all those present on how he was selected to be the first COB of the LOS ANGELES. Initially when he was contacted, he thought it was a joke. He hung up on a number of individuals. His reasoning, no submarine was being named after a city! This had to be a prank in his views. However, he soon found out that the navy was in fact building a new class submarine named LOS ANGELES. At this point he called the bureau and expressed to them he had reconsidered and would accept the position as COB on the first of a new class of nuclear submarines. Frank Lister intoduced the first Commanding Officer, John Christensen Jr. Like Frank, he spoke of his Assignment to the LOS ANGELES, and told a few humorous stories. Commanding Officer Harrison gave a short speech and introduced Retired Rear Admiral ,Dugan Shipway. This time, unlike his keynote speech at the decommissioning cermony, Admiral Shipway keyed in on a number of the Master Chiefs, leading off with the first COB Frank Lister. His humorous jokes about the Master Chiefs brought forth laughs from those present. Following all the speeches, a dinner was served to all. Chicken, potatoes, green beans, rolls, cake and coffee. Beer and mixed drinks were available for purchase. The remainder of the evening all present gathered in groups, renewed old friendships and told sea stories. And so the end as come for a submarine that has served this nation proudly for 33 years. I salute all that served on USS LOS ANGELES SSN688 ­ ,JOB WELL DONE ! Historical Information on USS LOS ANGELES SSN688 Keel Laid: January 8, 1972 Launched April 6, 1974 Commissioned November 13, 1976 Length 360 Feet Beam 33 Feet Deployments: 16 (12 WESTPAC, 2 NORTHPAC, 1 INDICAN, 1 MED) Battle ,E: 7 (1980, 1981, 1983, 1989, 203, 2007, 208) Meritorious Unit Commendations: 7 (1977, 1981, 1982, 1988, 1997, 2003, 2005) Navy Unit Commendation: 1 (1999) 1978: Transferred to Pacific Fleet, Submarine Squadron 7, Pearl Harbor, HI

Anyone desiring burial at sea should indicate that preference in writing (in a will or other legal document). During funeral planning, the executor/executrix of the estate should

and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain , they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan The ability to make and understand puns is con- sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. sidered to be the highest level of language devel- Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. opment. Test your pun comprehension: Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop passenger." to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flow2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns ers from the men of God, a rival florist across to the other and says, "Dam!" town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so would not. He went back and begged the friars to they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired proving once again that you can't have your Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vikayak and heat it too. cious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only first replies "Yes, I'm positive." Hugh can prevent florist friars. 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked bareNovocain during a root canal? His goal: tranfoot most of the time, which produced an impresscend dental medication. sive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a little, which made him rather frail and, with his hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made their recent tournament victories. After about an him ... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by hour, the manager came out of the office and halitosis. asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, 10. And finally, Patriot Humor sent ten different as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't puns to their subscribers, with the hope that at stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." least one of the puns would make them laugh. 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for No pun in ten did. adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt

No pun in ten did

Can you identify the machine on page 4 ? ? ? See report on this web page:

Links to online web sites or pages that may be of some interest, good reading, or ? ? ?

USS Flier Found These two web sites are reports on those whose names are on ,The Wall (Vietnam) A letter from Admiral Scott, would you still want your daughters or grand daughters to serve on submarines? Check this webpage you remember these x-ray machines....I do....Mom took me down on Canal Street in New Orleans, and I remember trying on shoes and sticking my feet in this machine. Greg Basic Enlisted Submarine School graduation photos are now posted at Take a look. Maybe yours is posted. If not, and if you still have yours, email ([email protected]) Bill Lee a scanned image for mounting on this page along with any names you can remember (perhaps from the back of the photo). Your B.E.S.S. classmates will appreciate your consideration. It's a valuable shared record for all of us., then click the SUB SCHOOL PIC button DO NOT MISS THIS ONE... Pretty Amazing undersea footage.....FASCINATING........SHOW THE KIDS...... An amazing 6 minute underwater presentation with an excellent narration. Watch the octopus at the end -- wow.... Click on square icon on top right of video frame to enlarge view to full screen (well worth it). Need to read some humor, daily postings are on this web page Here is a great web site for Submarine information: For information about USNavy programs on TV Learn more about the U.S. Navy Submarine Force at Patriot Post is a daily e-mail ,Voice of Essential Liberty Subscribe and check it out, if you do not like it, then easy to unsubscribe. The REAL tonight show. Johnny Carson and Dom DeLuise with the ,Egg Trick and the aftermath. Funny ! ! !

Wise Eastern Philosophy Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for

you?!? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around! Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.. Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them' 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by

the moments that take our breath away.


12 pages

Report File (DMCA)

Our content is added by our users. We aim to remove reported files within 1 working day. Please use this link to notify us:

Report this file as copyright or inappropriate


You might also be interested in