Read July 2012 text version

St Lawrence

MAGAZINE

Parish

July 2012

Price 40p.

Services at St Lawrence's

Sunday 8.00 am 10.00 am 10.15 am 6.00 pm 3.30 pm 3.30 pm Friday Office Hours 7.00 pm Holy Communion Junior Church Parish Communion Evensong (B.C.P.) Messy Church Holy Baptism Prayer Group Said In The Treasury Sung Every other Fourth Sunday See Diary P. 10 Second Sunday Third Sunday

Enquiries regarding Baptisms and Weddings -etc every Thursday, in Church between 7.00 pm. and 7.30 pm.

For Communion of the sick or housebound, please contact Mrs Sue Wood

For Mothers Union, see MU Letter page 5 in Magazine for announcements

Telephone for all church enquires : 07890 616935

St Lawrence's Parish Officers

Enquiries Text or call ( 07890 616935 Churchwardens Mrs S.V.Wood Mrs J Hopper Licensed Readers Mr J.R.Wood Mr A Hodson Mrs T Baines P.C.C. Secretary Organist & Choirmaster Church Hall Bookings Secretary Mrs H Robinson Mr J Williams Mr & Mrs A Goodison ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( 470467 624914 470467 634376 470018 470870 07866 410496 438702

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 1

The Parish Church of St Lawrence Martyr Mansfield

Sharing God's Love for All

W

elcome to your new look magazine.

I am sometimes asked to recommend books for bible study and suitable books as gifts for confirmation candidates and new parents and godparents. It is often quite difficult to find something appropriate, so I hope you will find the new book reviews that I have introduced useful. I am sure you will find all the titles listed and many more at our local Christian Book Shop on Newgate Lane. This month almost inevitably has an Olympic theme to it. There are a few references within these pages. As you will know St Mark's and St Peter's have appointed their Pioneer Minister and by the time you read this we should know what sort of response we have had to our advertisement for a priest. All being well we hope to interview candidates this month. Please continue to pray that the right person for us responds and that the interview panel, including our Churchwardens Jackie and Sue, have the wisdom to select them.

This Month

2 5 6 8 10 12 15 16 18 19 20

The Way I see it Mother's Union Book Reviews Letter from St James the Least Diary and Rotas News Financial Statement Our Page Puzzle Page Smile From the Parish Registers

Rob

Parish Magazine

Editor: Rob Wood ( 01623 470467

Items for inclusion in the magazine to the editor or Churchwardens by the 2nd Sunday of the month please. Or E-mail to: [email protected]

Parish Office The Treasury Bolsover Street Mansfield

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 2

The Way I See It

of St Paul. He must have been a bit of an athletics fan, because time and again he ust to set the record straight, the Ol- reverts to the Games for illustrations of Christian pilgrimage. The marathon was ympic Games - yes, the events that will bring much of London to a stand- the greatest of all the contests, and that provided him with the perfect picture of still this month - were founded in 776BC in ancient Greece. They involved athletics, the faithful life, from the starting line to poetry and music and were held at Olym- the distant finish. pia (hence their title), a centre for the The Christian competes, but not against worship of Zeus. You may recall that the other runners. Our contest is with all mount Olympus - the highest point in the things that will distract us, slow us Greece - was the dwelling place of the gods and goddesses of Greek and Roman down, divert our eyes from the ultimate goal. And at the end of the marathon of religion. life there is the prize, the `crown of glory' - not just for the winner, but for everyone Once the Christian faith prevailed in the Roman Empire the Games were abolished, who completes the course. in the fourth century AD. What we have `I have fought the good fight', he writes. this month is a modern revival of the `I have finished the race, I have kept the Games, the brain-child of a Frenchman, Pierre de Coubertin. It was he who mem- faith.' Not won, you notice, but finished. And for that, he says, he will receive the orably declared that the object of the Games was not the winning but the taking crown - `and not only me but all who have longed to see him' (2 Timothy 4:8). The part. apostle and the founder of the modern Games would agree on one thing for sure. The ancient Olympic Games had no eleThe prize is not for winning, but for taking ment of international competition, no part. rankings, no flags or national anthems. The youth of the world were invited to Olympia to test their prowess against others - not just athletically, as we have noted, but artistically. Welcome to the real Olympics!

J

By contrast, the modern Games have become a celebration of national triumphalism, a notion far removed from the original Greek model, but also foreign to the vision of de Coubertin. He would have deplored medals tables, anthems, flagraisings and all the media hype that surrounds perceived national success or failure. Patriotic pride has attached itself to the accumulation of gold medals - many in Britain will write this year's Games off as a failure if Team GB does not win more of them than we did last time. The ancient Games are conspicuous in the New Testament, especially in the letters

Come on kids, if Granny won't have you it'll have to be Sunday School!

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 3

Chariots of Fire

T

his month our country will be hosting the Olympic Games, and London will be welcoming participants from all over the world who come to give of their best in their particular sport. There are always memorable achievements at each Olympic Games, and many of us will remember special moments of triumph - perhaps Steve Redgrave in 2000, Daley Thompson in 1984, Mary Peters in 1972, the first Paralympics in 1960, and Jesse Owens in 1936. Further back in time, in 1924 in Paris there were two remarkable victories: Harold Abrahams in the 100 metres and Eric Liddell in the 400 metres. The story of these two men is the subject of this month's film released in 1981, `Chariots of Fire.' The title comes from Blake's poem `Jerusalem' where the poet says that he will not rest until he has built God's kingdom in the midst of human lives. We hear the hymn of that great endeavour being sung at the end of the film, but it is the opening credits that captured the hearts when the film was first shown. We see the athletes in training for the 1924 Olympics. They are running in slow motion to the electronic synthesizer and piano of the music of Vangelis. The relentless beat sounds out, and then we hear a triumphant, exultant melody as we feel the exhilaration of the British team running against the wind at the edge of the sea. In that year the Olympic Games officially adopted the motto `Citius, Altius, Fortius' ­ Faster, Higher, Stronger. That desire to achieve and give of their best is seen in the drama of two lives, Harold Abrahams played by Ben Cross and Eric Lid-

dell played by Ian Charleson. The first runs to overcome anti-Jewish prejudice, the second for the glory of God. Eric tells his sister that he will indeed leave his homeland to serve as a missionary, but first he must take part in the Games for `God has made me for China, but he has also made me fast. When I run, I feel his pleasure; to run is to honour him.' We hear the hymn verse `Run the straight race through God's good grace' as Eric reads from Isaiah that those who wait on the Lord will run and not be weary. There are snippets of Gilbert and Sullivan and other melodies in the film, but it is Vangelis' powerful music that truly expresses the drama and discipline of the two athletes, training and running to their highest endeavour to be an example and inspiration to the world. As we watch the Olympics during these two months, we shall see sportswomen and men giving of their best. We shall even hear Vangelis' music ringing out as the Olympic flame is carried through the land to London. St Paul knew something of the discipline and dedication of athletes training in Corinth. In his first letter to the church there, he likens the Christian to an athlete in the race of life as God calls each of us to that sacrifice and offering. In his day the victor in the games was rewarded with a crown of wild olive. In our day it is a gold or silver or bronze medal. For St Paul the prize is the trophy of immortal life, a wreath that never fades. As we are called to take part in that race, we may even hear Vangelis' stirring music spurring us on to give of our best.

Woodleigh

Christian Care Home

Norfolk Drive, Mansfield NG19 7AG

Long established - residential, nursing, respite and day care for the over 50`s. Regular worship, entertainment, activities and outings. Fully qualified nursing staff. Excellent food!

Call in or contact Samantha Eves (Home Manager) 01623 420459

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 4

Meetings of the following uniformed organisations are held at The Treasury Bolsover Street

Monday Tuesday 5.00-6.00 pm. 6.15-7.45 pm 5.15-6.15 pm 6.30-8.00 pm Rainbows - Aged 5 - 7 yrs Brownies/Guides - Aged 7 - 10 yrs, 10+ Beavers - Aged 6 - 8 yrs Cubs - Aged 8 - 11 yrs

All meetings are open to both Boys and Girls within the above age ranges. Further information may be had from any of the leaders indicated below. Beavers Cubs Rainbows Brownies Guides Joan Macadam Joan Macadam Tessa Baines Melissa Pothecary Gill Marsh 01623 477041 01623 477041 01623 470018 07854 901017 01623 430203

It's great!

For Kids 5 years and over

Come and see for yourself

Junior Church

Sunday 10.00 am till 11.30 am

The Treasury Bolsover Street

Games, fun and Christian teaching

St Lawrence Youth Group

Next Meeting

Sunday 15 July

6.00 pm - 8.00 pm

New members Always welcome

The Treasury

Contact Shelley Round 422159

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 5

Dear Members, It is my pleasure to congratulate Val Coupe on receiving her 40 year and Dorothy Colman and Margaret Tebbett their 25 year Long Service Certificates from our Diocesan President, Lucille Porter, at the Deanery Festival. We host a visit by Edwalton MU on Thursday, 5th July at 2pm in The Church Hall. If you are donating food please bring it from1.30pm to 1.45pm so that we can arrange the table. If you have a prize for the raffle there will be a table for you to leave it on when you arrive. Please give your £3.00 to Sue as soon as possible so we know how many to cater for. Families First magazine subscribers, will have found their July to December Prayer Diaries inside the May/June edition. Everyone else will receive a copy from Margaret Tebbett. If you have not had your copy yet please let me know. The Prayer Diary is a vital tool for every MU member. At your enrolment you promised to read The Bible and pray for the needs of the community and the wider world. The Prayer Diary is a good resource and the weekly focus and details of other MU dioceses worldwide help us to understand the lives of members in other lands. After Jen Cox's talk on the Children of Honduras you may have decided to help in some small way by donating such things as petroleum jelly, pasta, black school shoes, reporter's notebooks, baby wipes or stationery. As I need to get donations to John Lomas by the end of the year, I will be collecting items at meetings from October onwards. Food needs a sell by date of 2014. Whilst we have no Branch meeting in August there are two events for you to support. On Wednesday, August 15th we host the Deanery Event, and the Worldwide Wave of Prayer is on Saturday August 18th. I will put details in the August magazine. My love to everyone, Jennifer Snippets of interest: People in the UK consider themselves Christian if they were christened or baptised (72%) or if their parents were Christian (38%). Half of the UK population (49%) do not think that Jesus is the Son of God, and one in 25 (4%) doubt he even ever existed. In 1900 (British population 41 million) 156,000 people died before the age of 1; in 2000 (population 60 million) 128,000 people died before the age of 65.

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 6

Book Reviews

Living your confirmation ­ putting promises into action By Paul Butler and Pete Maidment, SPCK, £7.99 So you've been confirmed. Now what? This book will help you live out your confirmation long after the service itself is over. It takes you back through the promises that you made, and shows you how to keep them. There is practical advice on: reading the Bible; Holy Communion; going to church; prayer; resisting evil; sharing your faith; using your gifts.

Love Oliver ­ the story of a short but inspirational little life By Andy & Jennifer Gill, Christian Focus, £7.99 Andy and Jennifer Gill from Fife in Scotland tell the story of their "gorgeous boy" Oliver who was with them for five and a half months from July 10th to Christmas Day 2010. In his short life he had gathered 2400 friends on Facebook alone. Oliver was born with a rare and an aggressive form of cancer - Congenital Rhabdoid Tumour. Yet he bravely faced this cancer with a gorgeous smile. For his mum and dad, family and friends this was indeed a deeply traumatic time but also it brought many blessings, as so many people of all ages from across the world prayed. Not only that, but Oliver made a lasting impression on people through his courage. This book follows the journey of the joys and the sorrows recognising that there is an allpowerful and loving God who is in control, even in such circumstances.

Mortal Fire ­ a romantic thriller By C F Dunn, LionHudson, £8.99 When Emma D'Eresby - a 29 year-old, selfcontained Professor of History - leaves her Cambridge college for a post in an exclusive university in Maine, USA, she hopes to learn more about a curious 17th-century journal in the College library. Instead, it leads her to a secret that should never have been uncovered. In the States, Emma meets the enigAndy and Jennifer Gill have since set up Lovematic 33-year-old surgeon, Matthew Lynes, a Oliver, a charity to help make a difference to quiet and thoughtful widower. Driven to learn other families affected by cancer. more about him, Emma takes the unique journal from the College library in which she believes there are clues to his family's English past. Meanwhile, the sinister Professor Kort Staahl mounts a psychotic attack on her. Matthew's courageous intervention saves her, but as he nurses her back to health, his unusual attributes raise questions he is unwilling to answer. As Part One ends, she returns to her claustrophobic family, avoiding her domineering father and wrestling with despair... Bible Blessings for a special godchild By Sophie Piper, Lion Children, £7.99 This thoughtful selection of simply retold Bible stories and prayers is written especially so that young children may come to understand the faith into which they have been christened. Each Bible story ends with a simple prayer telling of God's promise of blessing, to say together and remember. Caroline Williams's gentle illustrations will help little children take the sentiment of the stories and blessings to heart, providing a warm and soft focus as adult and child share these special words together.

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 7

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 8

From St James the Least of All

The elderly Anglo-Catholic vicar, Eustace, continues his correspondence to Darren, his nephew, a low-church curate recently ordained... On why our church is safe from vandals The Rectory St. James the Least My dear Nephew Darren I was sorry to hear that your church was broken into last week. Since your sound system rivals that of any concert hall and your projection equipment would put most cinemas to shame, it is not surprising that is what they had their sights on. Your bemusement that they never touched your library of recordings is less understandable. I would have thought that few thieves would have been much interested in thirteen alternative renditions of "Shine Jesus, shine" and other such artistic gems. It may have been an act of Christian charity to put a sign outside saying "Thieves will be forgiven", although since they took this as an invitation to burgle your house the following evening, I hope your forgiveness still operates. You must have been greatly relieved to find that your collection of numbers from train spotting were untouched. They must have been so overjoyed to discover your tins of night-time cocoa that they overlooked them in their excitement. Last year, we also had unwelcome visitors. The thieves must have spent several hours breaking down the 400 year-old oak door to get in. Had they bothered to try the handle, they would have discovered that we never lock the church anyway. Since we have yet to leap forward into the nineteenth century, there was little to attract them. Had they removed the marble sarcophagi of the Earls of Lincombe, the money they may have made wouldn't even have paid for the subsequent hernia operations. Inevitably, there was general outrage that the poor box had been broken into ­ although as far as I can remember, for many years it had contained nothing more than an old three-penny piece and a button. For many of our congregation, this represented the End of Civilisation as we Know It. Calls were made to have a permanent armed guard on the premises and a few even speculated about the possibility of having tactical nuclear weapons and strategically placed land mines about the place. Colonel Beauchamp generously offered us his collection of man traps. Perhaps our thieves may be forgiven their crime, but until that three-penny piece and button are returned, it will not be forgotten. Your loving uncle, Eustace

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 9

Hair by Paul

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A. Mortimer Butchers

formerly

Andy Sissons

Ltd

High Class Family Butcher

Your Local Butcher. Quality Civility and Good Service is our Motto.

2 Skerry Hill, Mansfield, Notts. Tel: 01623 625882

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 10

Diary and Rotas for July

Sunday 1st 1st Sunday of the month Fourth Sunday after Trinity 8.00 am Holy Communion 10.15 am First Reading Second Reading Gospel Intercessions: Sidesmen: 2.30 pm Friday Saturday 6th 7th 7.00 pm [Fr. Paul Bentley] D Colley S Abrahams Parish Communion [Fr. Paul Bentley]

Wisdom of Solomon1.13-15; 2.23-24

2 Cor 8.7-end Mark 5.21-end R Colley Sheffield/Sheffield Holy Baptism [Rev'd Pat Chapman] Steward Sue Wood Prayer Group - Lady Chapel

10.30 am Jubilee Summer Fayre in the Church Hall ~1.00 Ploughman's Lunches in The Treasury Sunday Fifth Sunday after Trinity 8th Holy Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] 2nd Sunday of the month 08.00 am Parish Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] 10.15 am First Reading Ezekiel 2.1-5 T Baines Second Reading 2 Cor 12.2-10 J Fairhurst Gospel Mark 6.1-13 Intercessions: S Abrahams Sidesmen Hodson/Johnson Coffee Ruth/Derek/Marie Luncheon Club 3.30 pm Messy Church - The Treasury PCC Meeting Wednesday 7.00 pm 11th Friday Sunday 13th 15th 7.00 pm Prayer Group - Lady Chapel [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] Sixth Sunday after Trinity 08.00 am Holy Communion 10.15 am First Reading Second Reading Gospel Intercessions: Sidesmen: Coffee: 3.30 pm 6.00 pm Friday 20th 7.00 pm

3rd Sunday of the month

Parish Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] Amos 7.7-15 S Wood Ephesians 1.3-14 J Hodson Mark 6.14-29 S Howlett Gent/Miller Jill/Glenda [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] Holy Baptism Stewards Greta and Marie Youth Group meet in The Treasury Prayer Group - Lady Chapel

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 11

Sunday

22nd

4th Sunday of the month

Seventh Sunday after Trinity 08.00 am Holy Communion 10.15 am First Reading Second Reading Gospel Intercessions: Sidesmen: Coffee: 6.00 pm 7.00 pm

[Rev'd Alistair Littlewood]

Friday Sunday

27th 29th

Parish Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] Jeremiah 23.1-6 B Johnson Ephesians 2.11-end J Harford Mark 6.30-34, 53 - end J Fairhurst Rock/Wright Beryl/Marie Evensong at St Alban's Prayer Group - Lady Chapel

5th Sunday of the month

Eighth Sunday after Trinity 8.00 am Holy Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] 10.15 am First Reading Second Reading Gospel Intercessions: Sidesmen: Coffee: Parish Communion [Rev'd Alistair Littlewood] 2 Kings 4.42-end R Wood Ephesians 3.14-end A Hodson John 6.1-21 T Baines Colley/Gillit June/Helen Prayer Group - Lady Chapel

August

Friday Sunday 3rd 5th

7.00 pm

1st Sunday of the month

Brasses Ninth Sunday after Trinity 8.00 am Holy Communion [Rev'd Pat Chapman] 10.15 am First Reading Second Reading Gospel Intercessions: Sidesmen: Coffee: Parish Communion [Rev'd Pat Chapman] Exodus 16.2­4, 9­15 A Hodson Ephesians 4.1­16 D Colley John 6.24­35 R Wood Sheffield/Sheffield Jennifer/Susan G.

The Kiss Butterfly gentle caress on the brow of the sleeping child Father heart strong embrace for the son turned again from the wild Peace in the place of warfare tears kissed from the sorrowful one Ardent strength of the lover who knows life is only begun But what of the kiss of our Maker breathing life in the form he had made? And the worshipful kiss of the maiden In whose arms as a babe he was laid? The cost of the kiss of our Saviour crossing out all the wrongs we have done? And the bliss of the kiss of our Lord for his Church At the marriage feast of the Lamb? By Pauline Lewis

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 12

News

Return of Chariots of Fire.... On the 13th July, as the UK prepares for the London Olympics, 20th Century Fox is bringing the acclaimed classic "Chariots of Fire" back to the big screen in a new digitally re-mastered version. Free official community outreach resources from the Damaris trust will enable people to make the most of the film when it is re-released. Visit the resources page on www.damaris.org/chariots which includes a taster video introducing some of the themes of the film.

"Send your Holy Spirit to light up our lives" - Torch Relay prayers Two new prayers, at www.olympics.churchofengland.org, are 'accompanying' the Torch Relay on its tour of England. They are being used by many of the CofE's 16,000 churches as the Torch made its 70-day tour of the nation, travelling within an hour of 95 per cent of people in the UK, Isle of Man, Guernsey and Jersey. Torch Relay Prayers Loving God, as this torch travels our nation, preparing us to celebrate the skill and determination of those competing in the Olympic and Paralympic Games, strengthen us to love you and serve our neighbour with all the skill and determination you give us, through Christ, the light of the world. Amen. As this light travels our nation, may your light, O God, shine in the hearts of all who gather to celebrate the energy, skill and dedication of others. Send your Holy Spirit to light up our lives and set our hearts on fire with love for you; through Christ our Lord. Amen.

anti-Christian violence in Nigeria continues unabated. The Rt Rev Timothy Yahaya, Bishop of Jalingo, Taraba State, in Nigeria's Middle Belt, recently told Barnabas Fund that the first attack happened when people had gathered for worship in two lecture theatres at Bayero University in Kano. Bombs were thrown into the building at around 8.30 a.m. and gunmen fired on worshippers. As Christians fled, the gunmen chased them, firing indiscriminately. Church Commissioners announce annual results for 2011 The Church Commissioners have recently published their full Annual Report and Accounts for 2011, announcing a 2.9 per cent total return on their investments during 2011. The Commissioners' fund is a closed fund, taking in no new money, and has now outperformed both its target return of RPI +5.0% p.a. and its comparator group over the past three, 15 and 20 years. Church growth research teams announced Research Teams have been appointed to start work on an 18-month project on church growth. It will be supported by funding set aside by the Archbishops' Council and the Church Commissioners for research and development (2011-13). The Church Growth Research Programme will focus on a range of growth areas including cathedrals, church plants, different patterns of deploying clergy and the union of parishes. The research will include in-depth profiling of churches through a survey of 4,000 churches and some follow up interviews. There will also be in-depth case studies of a wide range of church plants.

Hundreds slaughtered as anti-Christian violence in Nigeria rages on Around 300 Christians have been killed in one diocese alone, and 27 people died in attacks on just three church services as

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 13

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 14

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BSc (hons) Pod Med

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Treatment includes... Soothing, conditioning footbath to soften and relax your feet Nail trimming and treatment of common nail conditions Removal of hard skin, calluses and corns Relaxing foot massage

The Diocese of York

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Reflexology is a relaxing Pressure Point Massage to the feet. It is a complimentary therapy to help restore the body's natural balance

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St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 15

From the Treasurer ...

The church's income from offerings and donations in May Envelopes Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Week 5 Weekly equivalent: £473.20 TOTAL £109.20 £81.00 £150.90 £89.50 Cash £61.60 £9.90 £2.00 £85.88 £100.00 £100.00 Donations £3.00 Total £173.80 £90.90 £252.90 £275.38 £0.00 Gift Aid direct to the bank £1,099.83 £1,892.81

Anthony Hodson - Treasurer

The Treasury

Coffee Shop

Summer Fayre

Saturday 7th July 10.30 am - 1.00 pm in the Church Hall

Bolsover Street

Open

Ploughman's Lunches in The Treasury All your favourite stalls in celebration style

Tuesday to Friday 9.00 am. - 1.00 pm. Saturday 10.00 am. - 1.00 pm.

Mansfield District Council 5 Star Food Hygiene Award

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 16

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 17

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 18

Puzzle Page

The Olympics are finally here! There is fantastic sporting action ahead of us this month, as the best sports men and women in the world converge on London to compete for those ultimate prizes. Just about everything the human body can do will be put to the test in the coming weeks, in a staggering variety of sports... Olympics Jump Run Swimming Cycling canoe Triple Volleyball Archery Athletics Badminton Basketball Boxing Fencing Diving Gymnastics Judo Handball Hockey Rowing Sailing Shooting Tennis Triathlon Wrestling weightlifting

Obvious A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter." Come Vicar: How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris? Morris: There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend. Vicar: Don't worry, Morris; there's always room for one more.

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 19

Smile

Cry baby A woman took her 4-month-old baby to visit her neighbour. The baby began to fuss soon after they arrived. Callum, the 5-year-old son of the neighbour she visitThe older you get, the tougher it is to lose ed said, "Where did you get this little baby from?" weight before you appear in a swimsuit, because by then your body and your fat "He was sent from Heaven," the mother are really good friends. replied. As the baby continued to cry and Editor: For those about to fly away to yell, the little boy said, "I bet I know why he was sent from Heaven. God wanted it foreign parts... quiet up there!" If flying is so safe, why do they call the Ten fun things to do during boring airport the `terminal'? sermons (not in mine please! Rob) Why do you need a driving license to 1 Pass a note to the organist asking buy alcohol in America, when you can't whether he/she plays requests. drink and drive? 2 See if a yawn really is contagious. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosqui- 3 Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand toes when he had the chance? and tell the preacher. 4 Listen for your preacher to use a word I wonder how much deeper the ocean beginning with 'A' then 'B' and so on would be without sponges. through the alphabet. 5 Sit in the back row and try to take the The real art of conversation is not only to handbag of the lady in front of you by putting your toe through the handle. say the right thing at the right time, but 6 Using your church bulletin to make a also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at paper airplane. Test-fly it. the tempting moment. 7 By unobtrusively drawing your arms If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards. do they get baby oil? 8 Twiddle your thumbs. 9 Twiddle your neighbour's thumbs. Ever notice that the people who are late 10 If all else fails, look up at the ceiling, are often much jollier than the people point, and scream. who have had to wait for them? Holiday: an all-expense tour Holiday: something you take when you can't take what you've been taking any longer. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. Bowls A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of coins. Finally his mother asked him where he had got all that money. "At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it." Preacher After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mum, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and talk, than to have to sit and listen."

St Lawrence Parish magazine July 2012 page 20

From the Parish Register

Baptisms "Shine as a light in the world to the glory of God the father" 17 June: Joanna Musson, Chlöe Musson, Megan Musson, Jack Derek Musson and Liliana Elizabeth Ann Taylor

Marriages "Those who God has joined together, let no one put asunder" There were no weddings in June

Rest in Peace

"God will show us the path of life; in his presence is the fullness of joy." 1 June: 8 June Lee Jevons Margaret Joyce Heywood

James and John

(Mt 20:20-27, Mk3:17)

Brothers! Squabbling, Jostling for positions Of prestige and power, Wanting to be great, Wanting people to know. Certainly, Sons of Thunder. And their mother Fighting for them, Proud and possessive, Presenting her boys Through a narrow, rose-tinted lens, Wanting the best. Lord, what can you do with us? We understand so little Of your ways, Your kingdom values, And still you call us, Patiently you show and share. In Kingly greatness Of the topsy-turvy kind, You give, You serve, You die. Lord, forgive us. By Daphne Kitching

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